DGRI prepares for increase in scone-related injuries during the heatwave

In the face of rising pressure and temperatures, Spokesperson for the hospital, Ima No-Well, assured authorities in a press conference that while it’s inevitable that admissions due to scone intake during a heatwave would increase, a crack team of sconecologists were on hand to weather this storm.

Sadly, DGRI has become the world’s first centre of excellence in the emerging science of Sconecology. Fighting back tears, Head of Raisin Removal, Dr Jeff Savoir said, “it’s been a long fought battle against this scourge and our expertise has come at the costs of too many innocent lives.” He went on to say, “you didn’t ask me, but if you had, I would have told you that I’d give anything to not have this centre of excellence here and for the region to be free of this scourge.”

The press conference then took a break for tea and scones.

Our weatherham, Barry O’Meter, cracked, “It’s gonna be a sconewave out there.”

Meanwhile, over the hills and not so far away, the SRUC predicts a bumper scone crop this year, bringing a much needed boost to embattled scone farmers. More on that story tomorrow.