Giant snake spotted in the skies over Dumfries

Emergency switchboards were overwhelmed yesterday when a giant snake eating it own tail and an exploding head emoji were seen in cloud-form over the town.

According to our time travelling historian correspondent, Harry Lodge and local historian Septimus Ward, it is probably a psychic disturbance caused by drivers that had been complaining about the quality of the roads in Dumfries. They now find themselves complaining about all the roads repairs and resurfacing going on in town. This level of internal conflict on a collective basis has been known to cause similar phenomenon in the past.

Septimus informed us that a similar ‘Ouroboros’ had appeared without the mind-blown emoji on previous occasions when the road to Ellisland was mettled and cart drivers had a fit. Prior to that, the only recorded instance was in 12 BCE when the idea of dualling the A-LXXV (Via-Europea) all the way to the Appian Way had its first round of public consultations.

In the meantime, Mr Lodge has agreed to travel to the future to have a look at next Friday’s Courier to see if they have any answers, although he’s adamant that he’ll only do it if he gets a free copy from the Loreburne Centre, “I’m no paying £2 in a shop fir that shite”, he said as he disappeared in a puff of futuristic smoke. Earlier in our interview he did give some tips for drivers upset about the repairs, “Travel back to yesterday when everything was just the way you liked it.”

More this at some point in the future or past, we’re not sure.