Beware of cynicism dressed up as wisdom

Vol. III · Est. 2023 · Price: 5½p where sold

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From Our Doric Correspondent

Differential calculus

By A.Y. Watt · DUMFRIES, 16th March 2023


Oor Zander’s back fae uni this week and his mither’s aside hersel. Y’d think Dundee wis oan the sooth coast and ye needed a passport tae get there. Onywy am affa made up masel if am honest. It’s his first year and it’s been an affa adjustment. He’s studying mechanical engineering and his twin sister Alexina is at Glasgow dae some kinda art and digital stuff. We’ll no hear from her until her 4 years are up. But Zander’s mair o a haim bird.

Ah picked him up in Banff as he’s no got a motor yet so he wis oan the bus.- Ats a rare bus that, big leather seats and the WiFi for free. Mind you the signal gets patchy roon Gamrie way, but beggars canne be choosers, eh? So on the drive back fae Banff he wis tell me he’s sair looking forward tae going tae the rigs. Lookin forward tae the money mair like, but honeslty ah cannae see a future in that. No in three or four years. The oil’ll be over and abody’ll hiv an electric motor. Ah didnae want tae crush his dreams though. We had a rough patch wi him when he fell sixteen. so just seeing him enthusiatic aboot any kinna job is a small mercy. And thank you Jesus that’s he’s nae aifter gan intae the fishin.

So I’ll no be steering him awa fae the rig. The rigs’ll dae that themsels. But if he has the rigs in mind, he’ll still be inline fir a job daein aff-shore for the wind or mibbe them tidal energy things. That’s the future, not the oil. So long as he’s happy.

We had a wee bonding moment last night when he wis showing me some o his assignment oan the laptop. They huv tae use this thing called Matlab and it does all the calculations fur them. So ah says, d’y’ken that ye can dae all that calculus and magic on paper we a pen? An he gives me that “Ok Dad” look. So a grabs the 2018 Lifeboat Association calendar we’ve still up on the wall cos Jesse likes the photo of Cullen, ah whips it ower and grabs a pen and starts writing all this algebra, like a man possess’t. All that learning fae the Tech just flooded oot and he wis astonished. Wi baith agreed that it wis affa fine to do things on the Matlab, but handy to know the old wy in case the power line into Portknockie ever came doon again like it did for a couple o days in 1982. Some folk thought it wis the Argies invading.

Ah didnae bother tellin him that a kent FORTRAN as well. These young loons can be affa sensitive aboot their laptops an such like.


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