Behold, the Doric Ring doorbell
By A.Y. Watt · DUMFRIES, 19th December 2025
Fit like, Doonhamers? It’s been a wee filey, but I’m back wi a short series of tech articles aboot a recent boost tae the Doric Technology Institute (DTI). Noo as ye kin probably mind, I’ve bin daein a wee bit consulting at the DTI (Gamrie Harbour Campus) an there’s an affa lot o optimism aboot the funds that’ll be flowin tae the DTI noo that the leid’s official.
My boy, Malcolm has been working on a semi-secret project tae localise the Ring doorbell and gie a wee bit Doric flavour. They’ve been developing it in a lab up til noo, but he say’s they’ve a few trial devices installed in they new hooses by the kirk at Cullen. He persuaded his auntie Alexina tae be part o the trial and I’ve hud a wee keek at the transcripts fae this thing. Michty me, fit a rate o progress this machine learning algorithm has. I reckon at this rate, it’ll ken abody’s news in a fortnight and own its first trawler! Judge for yersels.
RING: Bing bong. Fa’s at at i door? Ooh, a parcel fae Amazon. Jist a minty.
Delivery guy: Aright.
RING: Av tae tell ye that she’s nae at hame and jist tae leave it in the garage. There’s a key under the porcelain statue of Pumbaa beside ye. An if it’s nae under Pumbaa it’ll be under Mufasa.
She is in really, but she’s watching Gloria Hunniford reruns and canne be arsed tae come tae the door.
Onyways, fit’s in the boxie?
Delivery guy: I dinnae ken min. That’s no the way it works.
RING: Hold on, hold on, hold on a minty, are you nae Jessie’s loon?
Delivery guy: Aye …
RING: Malcom is it?
Delivery guy: Aye …
RING: A thought I recognised ye frae ma facial database. N’foos yer faither. Tell him a wis askin aifter him. How’s his lumbago?
Delivery guy: Aye … ah will. I’ve got tae get oan, I’ve got parcels fir next door as well.
RING: Och dinnae bother, leave it here. It’s still morning and he’ll be hurkle durkling. Let me just check his bedroom camera. … … … Aye, still in his pit.
Delivery guy: Well onyways, ah’d better be aff.
RING: Thank you for your enquiry. This conversation has been recorded and a copy sent to the Press & Journal.
Weel, as ye can see, there’s a few wee problems tae be ironed oot there, but I’m sure the eggheads ower at DTI are oan it. Rumour has it they’re working on some medical devices as well. I’ll keep yis posted.