God moves in 126 mysterious ways

According to the recently released Town Board report, when it comes to religion 126% of Doonhamers think something or other. Now that’s a very thorough reporting methodology. As The Doonhamer’s spirituality correspondent and the main man in Dumfries with a direct line to the Big Fella, I thought I’d dig a little deeper. It sounds like there are more souls out there to be saved than my misuse of personal data had previously indicated.

Obviously I’m not interested in converting people that don’t own cars or saving people with crappy cars, but could that really means I’m missing out on an additional 26%?

This new data was quite relevatory to me. At first I thought this was a design error. i.e. the headline figure would have been 35% Christian with subheadings of 24% Chruch of Scotland and 8% Catholic, but no matter which way you try to square the circle to add up to 100% there are definitely extra Christians.

Know this data misaligned Christians, I will find you. I will hunt you down and I will get you to trade-in your ugly Kias for decent Audis and MGs. God doesn’t open the pearly gates to minger cars. If He’d wanted us to walk across life’s finish line he would have given us legs!

Here endeth the sermon.