Beware of cynicism dressed up as wisdom
Vol. III · Est. 2023 · Price: 5½p where sold
By The Hamester · DUMFRIES, 7th July 2023
Skipping man, O skipping man
Do you know you have a fan?
Please don’t be so hard on yourself
And cover your arms, or you’ll get more than a tan.
Basal cell carcinoma,
or mibbe a wee melanoma.
Skin care tips aren’t just for foreign trips,
even if you’re the Doonhamer Joe Wicks.
Skipping Man, O Skipping Man Do you know you have a fan? Please don’t be so hard on yourself And cover your arms, or you’ll get more than a tan. Basal cell carcinoma, Or mibbe a wee melanoma. Skin care tips aren't Just for foreign...
I saw you on the Sands; our eyes connected. You in your purple and aqua tracksuit break-dancing for Jesus, me heading to Crazy Cuts to post something for eBay - BTW why is there no proper post office in Dumfries town centre. I was pleased...
An unnamed BBC journalist (Barney Toner) was found exhausted, pacing around Cresswell repeating the phrase, "You don’t expect it to happen in a place like this. He was a quiet man, kept himself to himself". He was hospitalised, but later...
Awwwwwww nawwwwwwwwww. I’ve hud tae flit again. All I did wis post a TikTok in front of the Mid Steeple at the big Christmas light switch on saying, “I can’t believe I live just opposite here in the flats on the 3rd floor.” Call it off...
Reading the dictionary the other day - as you do - I came across a phrase that was new to me. "Bunnet Hustler" According to the Collins Dictionary, and I'm simplifying here ... a Bunnet Hustler is a middle class person that regularly...
In a surprise move, party of the working man, Reform Ltd (did I get that the right way round?), have put forward a policy that is upsetting practically all of their members except someone called, Clive. As members have no say in how the...
A've hud tae pit the observational standup idea oan the backburner for the noo as nane o the trawler boys could agree on whit tae pit in the softies and fa wis gonna pay fir the petrol. But something else has come up. I've started as a...
Oor Zander's back fae uni this week and his mither's aside hersel. Y'd think Dundee wis oan the sooth coast and ye needed a passport tae get there. Onywy am affa made up masel if am honest. It's his first year and it's been an affa...
Fit like, Doonhamers? It's been a wee filey, but I'm back wi a short series of tech articles aboot a recent boost tae the Doric Technology Institute (DTI). Noo as ye kin probably mind, I've bin daein a wee bit consulting at the DTI (Gamrie...
I promised tae keep yis in the loop aboot developments at the Doric Technology Institute. Weel ah've a wee bitty news, but ah must confess, I feel like that loon that hid tae rin awa tae Russia fir leakin a that tap secret info. Fit's his...
Awwwwwww nawwwwwwwwww. I’ve hud tae flit again. All I did wis post a photo of my Dubai chocolate basque cheesecake next to a letter with my address on it!
Shocked residents of Summerhill were today supporting each other after terrified residents we forced to hide behind curtains awaiting the arrival of the SSPCA's Golf Division. The incident began on Sunday morning when a hole was spotted in...
-- Bill! Bill! Haud oan a minute. -- Whit? -- Can ye lend me a fiver, pal? -- Naw. Naw a cannae. —- Aww, come oan. I’ll gie yit back the morra. -- It’s not that Gladys. Ah cannae. I've nae money. -- Whit? Are ye sheer Bill, it’s jeest a...
According to the recently released Town Board report, when it comes to religion 126% of Doonhamers think something or other. Now that's a very thorough reporting methodology. As The Doonhamer's spirituality correspondent and the main man...
Dear Doonhamers, have you heard of electricity? Have you tried it yet? Well whether you're a keen user of electricity or just electro-curious, the power of electricity was unavoidable to most Doonhamers today. At specifically approximately...
Ever since the great chippy disaster of 2032 when the Midsteeple slid down over the plainstanes, leaving some less than plain stains, and crashing into New Look with disastrous consequences, Doonhamers have been struggling to know the...
So I was on the 501 from Castle Douglas to Dumfries on Saturday, a pleasant enough trip with what felt like an unnecessary deviation via Dalbeattie. Is there ever a good reason to go to Dalbeattie? Anyway, I digress. The bus was quite busy...
Awwwwwww nawwwwwwwwww. I’ve hud tae flit again. All I did wis post a reel saying that I’m really looking forward tae the match between Raith Rovers and Queen of the South at Palmerston, at 6pm this Wednesday. Damn you McDermid, give up...
So a bump't in tae this fella doon the harbor an a strikes up a wee conversation cus am aywis on the look out fur a story. An we're gabbain awa an a asks him, "Fit d'y'dae?" An he says, "Am a flaneur. A flan aboot." A fit? I asks him? A...