Mystery Chanter Causes Cafe Chaos

Police are appealing for information about the identity of a mystery man who burst into a local town centre cafe dressed as a superhero, stood atop a table and performed Madonna’s 80s hit song, “La Isla Bonita” in broken Spanish. The incident occurred twice, last Wednesday.

Clearly shaken witnesses say they overheard members of the staff say, “We know it’s you, Derek. You’re not fooling anyone with that mask and cape, Derek.”

One witness continued, “Some fella came in during the chaos and said, ‘Hiya, Derek, did you have a good Christmas at yer mum’s?’”

Police remain baffled about the identity of the mystery singer who they want to question in relation to disturbing the peace. DS Pat McKie told us, “It’s a total mystery, there’s absolutely nothing to go on. The identity of this singer may go with him to his grave.”

In an unrelated matter, a cape was found at the scene and can be retrieved from the cafe staff. Apparently there’s a label sewn inside marked, “Derek’s best singing cape. If found, please call his mum on 07555 555 555.”