We're Doonhamers

[With sincere apologies to Paul Whitehouse and the Fast Show team for a bad rendition of their “Cockneys”]

Hiyaaaaaaa.

We’re Doonhamers.

Born in the sound of Greyfriars, I mean, Western Orthodox Cathedral bells.

That’s right, we’re Castle Street born and bred.

Go Queens’ O the Sooth.

We say ‘jeest’ and ‘dippit’ and you’ll find nae guid’r a nychburr.

I read Burns every night, and so does my wife.

One time, one time right, get this, we walked in the front door of the Hole i The Wa and walked straight out the back door. We’re a proper riot we are.

We know all the names of the people that work in the cheese shop, which is nice.

People are just so friendly.

[TO BE CONTINUED]