Latest Articles
We're Doonhamers
- 14 May, 2024
- The Hamester
- Hame Truths
[With sincere apologies to Paul Whitehouse and the Fast Show team for a bad rendition of their "Cockneys"] Hiyaaaaaaa. We're Doonhamers. Born in the sound of Greyfriars, I mean, Western Orthodox...
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The odd tale of Ben D Wullie
- 08 Apr, 2024
- Ben D. Wullie
- Mind Droppings
Aw man, uv been meanin tae tell ye aw about whit haipint t’me thitherday. Uv been on a 50 year trip ... ah'd been hallucinating oan this slice o Slimcea and cold meat wi the funny face on it. Ah woke...
read moreThe die is cast on the game board
- 18 Mar, 2024
- The Hamester
- Rattle Bag
Well that's it. The die has been cast. Public nominations for the Chair of the new Dumfries Town Board closed at 5pm yesterday and the full council will ruminate over who shall be appointed, making...
read moreMystery Chanter Causes Cafe Chaos
- 12 Jan, 2024
- The Hamester
- Hame Truths
Police are appealing for information about the identity of a mystery man who burst into a local town centre cafe dressed as a superhero, stood atop a table and performed Madonna's 80s hit song, "La...
read moreA new slogan for Dumfries
- 17 Dec, 2023
- The Hamester
- Hame Truths
Around the time of the UCI's arrival in Dumfries this summer some wag chalked up a slogan at the top of the Whitesands with the phrase "Seagulls make Dumfries". Presumably this was in reaction to the...
read moreUglied up
- 25 Nov, 2023
- The Hamester
- Hame Truths
-: What's wrang wi your gub? :- You. -: Me? How? :- Yiv uglied up ma kids! -: Whit? :- Yiv uglied up ma kids! Look at me, am gorgeous. Like proper gorgeous. Look at the kids. No sae gorgeous. A...
read moreFree parking
I don't know why there's such a fuss about parking in Dumfries. There's loads of free parking in convenient places. And of course, if your bike has a stand you can park anywhere.
read moreSplatGPT. One wee step for gull-kind
- 21 Nov, 2023
- Jonathan Lincluden Seagull
- Mind Droppings
We've been trying out the latest version of SplatGPT and it is superb. After a hard day raiding Iceland and nicking chips off numpties I often fly to the top of a building and put out a long call to...
read moreBREAKING: Roads News
- 10 Nov, 2023
- The Hamester
- Hame Truths
Just in! It took over a week, but the Roads Department of D&G council has finally approved work to begin removing all the new tarmac that was laid during the UCI World Paracycling Championships. A...
read morePath, interrupted
- 10 Nov, 2023
- The Hamester
- Rattle Bag
I wish this one was a joke. In their haste to add more EV chargers in Brooms Road car park, ChargePlace Scotland has obliterated what was a safe, accessible, walking and wheeling route through the...
read moreNew flood protection scheme announced
- 30 Aug, 2023
- The Hamester
- Hame Truths
Keen-eyed readers may have noticed the yellow road closure signs that appeared this morning on the Whitesands and, rather curiously, extend into Dock Park. After a quick call to the Roads Department...
read moreHow come we've no got a town machar?
- 30 Aug, 2023
- Teri Casiokola
- Letter From Amisfield
There’s a national one, some toons have one. So how come the toon that’s internationally kent for it’s renowned poet, Robert Burns doesnae have a machar? I’m sure it must have occurred to someone...
read moreNew secret audio archive uncovered
- 30 Aug, 2023
- The Hamester
- Hame Truths
On this day in 1973, Richard Nixon was finally confessing to his role in the Watergate debacle and Cilla Black was unaware that she still had a lorra, lorra laughs ahead of her. Back home in Dumfries...
read moreLetters: July 2023
- 23 Aug, 2023
- The Hamester
- Hame Truths
Dear Mr Hamester I liked your story about Peppa Pig falling down a well never to be seen again. Please write more about fictional animals meeting a long, drawn out sticky demise. Mikey J -- ED. I...
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